dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
