My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
