Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
