Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
