if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
