She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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