Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
