I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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