Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
