The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
