So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
