I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
