the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
