You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
