he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
