i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
