update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
