You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
