at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
