I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
