I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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