Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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