She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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