Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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