so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize