ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I believe in your delicious
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
