Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
