I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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