Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
