She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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