dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
