Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
