Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
