Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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