I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
