Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
