i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
