Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
