toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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