I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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