Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she looked like the before picture.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
