She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
