then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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