girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
