Having a random hookup so left but love u
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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