I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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