I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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