So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
