I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
