Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
