well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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