i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize