Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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