we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
