Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
