Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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