Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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