the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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