Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
