I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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