i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
