what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
