And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize