My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
