so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
