I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
