21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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