Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
