I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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