You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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