I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
